Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Draft: "This I Believe"

Cassie Lyne
English 11 A12
9/21/09
Project1: "This I Believe"
Have you ever heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last”? I for one don’t think this is true at all. I believe in Karma, or in other words “What goes around come around”. I believe that good things happen to good people who deserve them, and no matter what you do wrong or how serious it might be it will still come back to affect you negatively in the end.
Karma is something I think everyone should consider in everyday life. In general, if you treat people with kindness and respect it is more likely that you will receive kindness, and respect in return. Sometimes you are forced to be kind even if you don’t want to be. I work as a waitress about three nights a week. It is my job to give my customers the service, and friendliness they deserve. This gives the restaurant I work for a good name, and in the end I will hopefully get a good tip. Even if I am having a bad day, or if I am simply not the mood it is still my job to not let my mood show and give good service to my customers. This in my opinion is a good example of karma because if I was rude, and didn’t give my tables the attention and service they needed then in return I wouldn’t make any money. However, karma isn’t exactly about doing something to receive a reward of prize in return.
In the dictionary Karma is explained as “The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.” Karma is also related with fate. I believe in karma as not knowing how something will eventually affect you in the end. A very close friend of mine has been in a relationship for almost two years at first the two were very happy. One night she made a huge mistake while parting with her friends, and others in a college dorm she ended up cheating on her boyfriend, and never told him about it. No matter how awful or guilty she felt she could not bring herself to tell her boyfriend because she knew it would put an end to her relationship. As selfish as this may seem she knew he would never find out and this eventually became just a part of her past that she no longer considered “a big deal”. She is now burdened with a huge problem in her relationship because it is almost as if her boyfriend has pushed himself away from her. She claims he no longer puts his all into there relationship and seems to put everything else before her, and this causes the couple to fight constantly. She knows he still doesn’t know anything about what happened that night, and she has no idea why he recently started acting this way. In my opinion this is a perfect example of karma.
My friend was aware that what she did was very wrong but still, she choose not to come clean thinking everything would be okay. Now as I already mentioned her relationship is falling apart. So ultimately in the end it almost seems as if it was fate for there relationship to not work out. Karma can affect you everyday life, or affect you seriously in the long run. No matter which way I am a strong believer in karma, and I think everyone should always consider there actions, and how it can affect others or later affect themselves.

1 comment:

  1. Peer Review Reading Journal

    During our writing workshops, you’ll be working with a “critical partner,” someone who will read your work seriously and offer constructive comments. Please offer your response to your partner’s draft, using this template as a guide (you may add responses not prompted here as well). On the last day of the workshop, I’d like you to bring two copies, one to be handed to me and the other to be given to the writer. As with the Textbook Reading Journal, I’ll be grading your work according to the following criteria:
    • Appropriateness to the question
    • Relevance and precision of detail from the reading
    • Fullness of your response
    • Depth of insights
    Thanks for agreeing to help a classmate and for being a respectful reader.

    Reviewer’s Name: Delia Mulvihill
    Date: September 23, 2009
    Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Cassie Lynne, “This I Believe”

    In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.

    The “This I Believe” assignment is asking the writer (Cassie) to think of a personal belief that she has and to write about it. The assignment does not have to be completely serious, it could also have a funny tone. The writer is encouraged to use personal anecdotes that relate to the story to help make a comparison. The essay is only to be between 350 to 500 words.

    To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.

    Cassie demonstrates following the rubric well. Her essay was in the right range of words allowed, and it did not drag. She also used two different examples of anecdotes to help the reader connect with her writing. One example she uses is her waitressing job. It applies to her belief of “karma” because she explains how that if she is not nice and give her customers the right service, in return she would not get a good tip. This works well because it is an everyday example that just about most people can relate to.

    What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.

    An area that could use some more work is “In general, if you treat people with kindness and respect it is more likely that you will receive kindness, and respect in return.” I find this to be a little wordy. For example maybe the sentence could be rewritten as “In general, if you treat people with kindness and respect it is more likely that you will receive them in return.”

    Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.

    1. The definition used for “karma” is a little confusing. Suggestion: Maybe she could use a different, more general definition.
    2. Lots of contractions used. Suggestion: Just go through after done typing and fix them.

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